I MEAN, WE'RE FINALLY NOT GONNA BE TREATEDLIKE SECOND-CLASS CITIZENS. - OH, MY GOD, I WANT TO SEE,I WANT TO SEE, I WANT TO SEE. I WANT--NO, DON'T SHOW ME.JUST TELL ME. WHAT ARE WE COVERED?WHAT ARE WE COVERED? HOW ARE WE COVERED?- IT'S GOOD INSURANCE. WE GET DENTAL AND--- DENTAL! OH, MY GOD, MAKE MEAN APPOINTMENT RIGHT NOW, SAMMY. - NO, LESHAUN,YOU GOT TO TAKE IT-- - I'M GONNA GET A RUBY FILLINGAND A FANG FOR APPLES. - A FANG?- YES, A SINGLE, SOLITARY FANG FOR TRICKY FRUITSAND BOTTLE CAPS. - YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THAT'SKIND OF AN ELECTIVE PROCEDURE, WHICH MEANS IT WOULDN'T BE--- OH,
MY GOD. WELL, I'M GOING TO PROCEEDTO ELECT THE FANG THE PRESIDENT OF MY MOUTH.- OKAY. - AND THEN I'M GOINGTO GET MY VOICE "LOUDENED"! - VOICE "LOUDENED." - YES, SO I CAN... ♪ TALK TO BIRDS ♪ - ALL RIGHT,SO, WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF WE'RE GOING TO FIND A DENTISTWHO CAN DO THAT. ALSO, IT'S NOT COVEREDIN THIS INSURANCE BECAUSE IT'S THE BASIC...- UH-HUH, YEAH. - DENTAL AND VISION.- UH-HUH. VISION!DID YOU SAY VISION? OH, MY GOD.- I DID SAY VISION. - SAMMY, SAMMY, SAMMY, SAMMY,SAMMY, SAMMY, WHAT? SAMMY, WHAT? SAMMY!- THAT IS MY NAME. - I'M GONNA HAVE ONE CONTACTTHAT LOOKS LIKE A CAT EYE AND ANOTHER CONTACTTHAT LOOKS LIKE A CAT'S FACE THAT'S MISSING AN EYE. - YOU DON'T WEAR CONTACTS. - I'M GONNA HAVE A THIRD EYETHAT LOOKS LIKE THE LETTER
"I," AND IT'S GONNA BE IN MY EYE,AND I'M GONNA BE LIKE, "I...SEE YOU." - [sighs]LESHAUN... YOU DON'T WEAR CONTACTS,SO THERE'S NO REASON-- - WELL, I'M GOING TO NEEDTO WEAR CONTACTS WHEN I HAVE MY EYEBROWS REDIDBECAUSE THEY SAY THAT KIND OF PROCEDUREWILL "SCRUMPLE" THE CORNEAS. - YOU'RE NOT GETTINGYOUR EYEBROWS REDID, REDONE... - MM-HMM, MM-HMM, MM-HMM.- UNDONE, DONE. - I'M GONNA HAVE 'EMSWITCHED ON MY FACE, SO WHEN I GET MAD,I LOOK DELIGHTED! - DO YOU UNDERSTANDTHAT INSURANCE IS ONLYFOR REAL MEDICAL PROBLEMS? AND EVEN THEN,WE HAVE A DEDUCTIBLE. - I'M GOING TO DEDUCTTHE FAT FROM MY ASS AND PUT IT IN MY "FANGLES," SO WHEN I WAVE,I LOOK LIKE MICKEY MOUSE. -
OKAY, ALL RIGHT. LISTEN TO WHATI'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW. - WHAT?- INSURANCE IS NOT FOR YOU TO HAVE THE BOTTOM HALFOF YOUR BODY CUT OFF AND YOU SEWN TO A HORSESO YOU CAN EXPERIENCE WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A...both: CENTAUR - OH, MY GOD, SAMMY,THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. - IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA BECAUSEYOU'D DIE ALMOST IMMEDIATELY. - OH, IT'D BE WORTH IT, SAMMY.IT WOULD BE SO WORTH IT. SAMMY, PLEASE,TELL ME I CAN. - I KNOW THAT YOU WANTTO DO THAT, BUT YOU CAN'T DO IT. IT'S NOT COVEREDBY THE INSURANCE. - OH, SAMMY! COME ON!- IT'S NOT-- - WHY YOU GOT TO BE THE '80sTO MY DISCO RIGHT NOW? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO, HMM?- I'M NOT TRYING-- - YOU DON'T. THAT'S THE ANSWER.YOU DON'T. - I'M JUST TRYING TO BETHE REALITY TO YOUR DEMENTIA. - I'M GONNAHAVE TWO STOMACHS! I'M GONNA GET ANOTHER STOMACH. ONE FOR CHERRIESAND ONE FOR CORN. - OH, MY GOD.- THAT'S RIGHT, SAMMY. I'M GONNA GOTO COUPLES THERAPY ALONE AND JUST PLAY BOTH PARTS.- YEAH. -
I'M GONNAGO TO THE GYNECOLOGIST AND JUST ASK QUESTIONSTILL I GET IT. OH, AND I GOTANOTHER QUESTION-- A FEW QUESTIONSABOUT HOW MANY DIFFERENT PARTS OF YOUR BODYYOU CAN MAKE BLINK. 'CAUSE I WANT TO GETMY "EARLIDS" DONE AND THEN MY FOOT POCKETS. FOOT POCKETS ARE THIS INVENTIONI'VE BEEN THINKING OF... [hardcore metal music playing]WHERE YOU CAN JUST PUT... YOUR KEYSUP BY YOUR ANKLES. THEN I'M GONNA HAVE A COASTERPUT IN MY SHOULDER, SO WHEN I GO TO A BAR,I CAN SAY, "YOU WANT A DRINK ON ME?" AND THEN I'M JUST GONNABE, LIKE, A MONSTER, AND THEN FOR HALLOWEEN,I'M GONNA DRESS UP LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING. [cheers and applause]- THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.
